Hello and good morning, my Fabulous Fellow Fancies!
Today, at Miss Fancy Says… we’re looking at speeches. Yes! What to say, how to say it, when to say it – it’s a tricky business! But, one that, if you manage to get it right, will leave your listeners thrilled and astounded!
Now, I need to be clear here, and say that Miss Fancy is a fan of speeches. A well delivered, beautifully timed speech can make an evening. It’s an excellent means of adding a sentimental note to special occasions, a way of adding shape to an event, and quite frankly, a really useful skill to possess.
But how best to do it? Obviously here, I need to satisfy the legal requirement that seemingly underpins all advisory and instructional writing on the topic of delivering speeches, and mention that on any number of surveys about what adult humans find stressful, public speaking continually ranks somewhere just below losing a loved one. So, we know that we’re expected to find it difficult. But! With Miss Fancy’s fabulously helpful tips, all those pre-speech nerves will be a thing of the past!
On a purely practical note, the first and most important thing is to rise from your seat. This one most particularly comes into its own when saying a few words at smaller social gatherings. If, for example, a dinner has been thrown by friends, to mark the occasion of your 37th birthday, and you’d like to express your gratitude to your hosts (ahead of the thank you note which will surely be winging its way to their home, no later than two days after the occasion) and your assembled guests, the only way that they’ll know that you’re not just addressing those seated either side of you, is to gracefully rise from your seat, thus commanding the attention of your fellow diners. This will also assist you in projecting your voice, in the absence of a microphone.
Wait until everybody is gazing up adoringly at you, then smile, look around, make eye contact, and begin. Do consider opening with an anecdote, perhaps even two, but only if you are completely and utterly certain that your comic timing is impeccable. And here, a Fabulously Fancy Rule of Thumb – no inside jokes that are not understood by all your guests!
Should you feel that witty anecdotes are not necessarily your strong suit, then Miss Fancy recommends that you employ something even more valuable than humour – sincerity. If every single individual feels that you are completely thrilled that they’re there, you’re off to a flying start!
If you’re struggling to find a way to end your speech, the best option tends to be with a toast. Do make sure, though, before you introduce said toast, that most people have a glass of something, charged and ready. Also, importantly, here, make sure that you do too, unless you feel confident miming the action of holding the stem of a wine glass.
Generally speaking, larger parties will involve less formal remarks, bellowed at higher decibels. Same rules apply, but just be aware of projecting your voice. The aim is to be heard from the back of the room, though not necessarily the next room, so do try to moderate for yourself the difference between projecting and shouting. Many, many years ago, my then 7 year old brother participated in his Grade 2 play, a ‘re-imagining’ (look at me, being all up with the buzzwords!) of Cinderella. I cherish a very sweet memory of watching him and his classmates nervously yelling their lines at each other, all in the name of projection, while their teacher whispered their lines to them offstage. (“I LOVE YOU, CINDERELLA, PLEASE ACCEPT MY… (hand in marriage)… HAND IN MARRIAGE!!) It was like the story of the little cinder girl, as written by Tennessee Williams, directed by David Mamet, and with a wee hint of Cyrano de Bergerac thrown in. A theatrical triumph.
Weddings can be quite the speech-giving minefield, but as always, Miss Fancy has a
few suggestions which will ensure that your toast is the highlight that it deserves to be! If you happen to be in the bridal party, our most Fabulously Fancy Tip, is to remember that the occasion is designed to celebrate someone else’s marriage, not your relationship with them. So, no lengthy ramblings about your past together and no off-colour jokes or shock revelations about what may have happened at buck’s nights, holidays in Tijuana, or football club trips to Shepparton. Simply not necessary.
(Similarly, if you happen to be a younger person reading this, say, in about the age 17-22 age bracket, and preparing to give a speech at your best friend’s 18th or 21st birthday party, Miss Fancy’s very sage advice is this: Do not, under any circumstances, no matter how tempted you are, drink anything much before you take the microphone. Drunken speechmaking only ever leads to rambling, forgetfulness, increased (not, as you would imagine, decreased) nerves, and worst of all, the possibility of revealing something that’s going to make the birthday person’s Nanna cry. Save your hilarious ruminations on what happened on your ‘schoolies’ trip to the Gold Coast, for another time. Or even better, for never.)
But back to weddings. The only exception to the ‘not about you’ rule, may be in the case of the parents of the bride or groom. A few (brief and well chosen) words about what a blessing their child has always been to them are not only expected, but completely right for the occasion. This must only make up part of the speech, though.
A simple formula would be:
20% – Expressing one’s delight at having been the parent of young Montanna.15% – Expressing one’s joy at having raised such a lovely young woman as Montanna.40% – Expressing your enormous happiness over gaining Trevor as a son-in-law.15% – Wishing the happy couple all of life’s richest blessings for the future5% – Raising a toast
You will notice that this adds up to only 95%. This is because 5% has been held back, in case you’d like to explain why you named your child ‘Montanna’, which, like anything else that can be found on a map of the USA, should not be used as a name, even taking the misspelling into account.
You will also notice that 0% has been allocated to talking about Montanna’s triumphs on the local eisteddfod circuit, or talking about her sparkling career as a junior mixed 10-13’s hockey all-star. This is because it is information that will serve only to lengthen, but not enliven, your speech.
And, while we’re on the subject of wedding speeches, no cliches! Here, I speak of such classic best man offerings as “marriage is in institution….but who wants to live in an institution?!” Utterly hilarious, I don’t think! Old, tired, and neither humorous nor sincere. Also, do try to avoid the appropriation of speeches that have been given in movies and on popular television shows While Hugh Grant’s best man speech in Four Weddings and a Funeral was perfectly pitched; witty, self effacing and heartfelt, it has also passed into the annals of the common subconscious, in a not dissimilar manner to Beatles lyrics. So, don’t do it! Miss Fancy is all for recycling, but in this case, brand spanking new is what’s called for.
Speaking at funerals is perhaps the most difficult of all the speech-giving opportunities you may encounter. Generally, if you’ve been asked to say a few words, it’s because you were close to the person that’s passed, and so emotions are heightened, and you’re probably feeling a wee bit vulnerable, and not at your usual witty best.
A few things that will make the experience easier, and more memorable (in a good way) are as follows:
Consult with your fellow speakers. While this may spoil the showmanship aspect for some eulogisers, the fact, it’s a necessary evil. Miss Fancy once attended a funeral where the deceased’s four adult grandchildren each said a few words. The same few words. The same few words as each other, and the celebrant. All four of them had felt that they wanted to share the details of their grandfather’s life, and memories of visiting the holiday house in Chelsea (back when Frankston was still a holiday resort). The celebrant had of course, also been asked to share the life details, including mentioning the holiday house, by the deceased’s children. So, five rounds of ‘Grandpa was born in 1923… My favourite memory of Grandpa was sitting out the front of the house in Chelsea…’ and other such lyrical gems. Imagine, having your whole life summed up by ownership of a fibre shack.
The key here is to practice what you have to say several times, until you can do it without getting overly emotional. That being said, no amount of rehearsal will really prepare you for standing a few feet from a loved one in repose, and the other mourners will be well aware of this, too, so some leeway will be granted, and you are unlikely to be heckled. But! That bit of rehearsal will help you no end, and should mean the difference between a single tear, majestically rolling down your cheek, and floods of mascara-blackened spider trails, inching their way towards your jaw.
For one reason and another, Miss Fancy frequently finds herself attending art exhibition openings (trés chic!), which often include a few remarks by a local dignitary, renowned art historian, or perhaps the artist’s Mum. The very particular trick to these kinds of speeches, is to avoid speaking for the artist. If you do find yourself being invited to open the Shire of Nullumbik Rotary Art Show, then do, if you’re going to refer to specific works, take a brief moment to consult with the person who produced them. I imagine it’s very discomfiting to be trapped behind a podium, realising that your well intentioned comments are being met by puzzled looks from the very person whom they are intended to flatter. And obviously, if you don’t happen to like the work, make every possible effort to keep this out of the tone and content of your remarks. Avoid such phrases as ‘not entirely my cup of tea’, ‘although the work is highly regarded by some…’ and the classic ‘yuckitty, yuck, yuck, yuck.’
So! Sally forth, taking up your microphone as you go, confident in the knowledge that you are now prepared to dazzle your fellow event-goers, with your newly minted speechmaking prowess!
Have a Fabulously Fancy Day!
Miss F xox
Miss Fancy Says 