Miss Fancy Says

Hello and good morning, my Fabulous Fellow Fancies! 
Today, at Miss Fancy Says… we’re looking at speeches.  Yes!  What to say, how to say it, when to say it – it’s a tricky business!  But, one that, if you manage to get it right, will leave your listeners thrilled and astounded!
Now, I need to be clear here, and say that Miss Fancy is a fan of speeches.  A well delivered, beautifully timed speech can make an evening.  It’s an excellent means of adding a sentimental note to special occasions, a way of adding shape to an event, and quite frankly, a really useful skill to possess.
But how best to do it?  Obviously here, I need to satisfy the legal requirement that seemingly underpins all advisory and instructional writing on the topic of delivering speeches, and mention that on any number of surveys about what adult humans find stressful, public speaking continually ranks somewhere just below losing a loved one.  So, we know that we’re expected to find it difficult.  But! With Miss Fancy’s fabulously helpful tips, all those pre-speech nerves will be a thing of the past!           
On a purely practical note, the first and most important thing is to rise from your seat.  This one most particularly comes into its own when saying a few words at smaller social gatherings.  If, for example, a dinner has been thrown by friends, to mark the occasion of your 37th birthday, and you’d like to express your gratitude to your hosts (ahead of the thank you note which will surely be winging its way to their home, no later than two days after the occasion) and your assembled guests, the only way that they’ll know that you’re not just addressing those seated either side of you, is to gracefully rise from your seat, thus commanding the attention of your fellow diners.  This will also assist you in projecting your voice, in the absence of a microphone.
Wait until everybody is gazing up adoringly at you, then smile, look around, make eye contact, and begin. Do consider opening with an anecdote, perhaps even two, but only if you are completely and utterly certain that your comic timing is impeccable.  And here, a Fabulously Fancy Rule of Thumb – no inside jokes that are not understood by all your guests!
Should you feel that witty anecdotes are not necessarily your strong suit, then Miss Fancy recommends that you employ something even more valuable than humour – sincerity.  If every single individual feels that you are completely thrilled that they’re there, you’re off to a flying start!

If you’re struggling to find a way to end your speech, the best option tends to be with a toast.  Do make sure, though, before you introduce said toast, that most people have a glass of something, charged and ready.  Also, importantly, here, make sure that you do too, unless you feel confident miming the action of holding the stem of a wine glass.

Generally speaking, larger parties will involve less formal remarks, bellowed at higher decibels.  Same rules apply, but just be aware of projecting your voice.  The aim is to be heard from the back of the room, though not necessarily the next room, so do try to moderate for yourself the difference between projecting and shouting.  Many, many years ago, my then 7 year old brother participated in his Grade 2 play, a ‘re-imagining’ (look at me, being all up with the buzzwords!) of Cinderella.  I cherish a very sweet memory of watching him and his classmates nervously yelling their lines at each other, all in the name of projection, while their teacher whispered their lines to them offstage.  (“I LOVE YOU, CINDERELLA, PLEASE ACCEPT MY… (hand in marriage)… HAND IN MARRIAGE!!) It was like the story of the little cinder girl, as written by Tennessee Williams, directed by David Mamet, and with a wee hint of Cyrano de Bergerac thrown in.  A theatrical triumph. 
Weddings can be quite the speech-giving minefield, but as always, Miss Fancy has a

few suggestions which will ensure that your toast is the highlight that it deserves to be!  If you happen to be in the bridal party, our most Fabulously Fancy Tip, is to remember that the occasion is designed to celebrate someone else’s marriage, not your relationship with them.  So, no lengthy ramblings about your past together and no off-colour jokes or shock revelations about what may have happened at buck’s nights, holidays in Tijuana, or football club trips to Shepparton.  Simply not necessary.

(Similarly, if you happen to be a younger person reading this, say, in about the age 17-22 age bracket, and preparing to give a speech at your best friend’s 18th or 21st birthday party, Miss Fancy’s very sage advice is this: Do not, under any circumstances, no matter how tempted you are, drink anything much before you take the microphone.  Drunken speechmaking only ever leads to rambling, forgetfulness, increased (not, as you would imagine, decreased) nerves, and worst of all, the possibility of revealing something that’s going to make the birthday person’s Nanna cry.  Save your hilarious ruminations on what happened on your ‘schoolies’ trip to the Gold Coast, for another time.  Or even better, for never.)

But back to weddings. The only exception to the ‘not about you’ rule, may be in the case of the parents of the bride or groom.  A few (brief and well chosen) words about what a blessing their child has always been to them are not only expected, but completely right for the occasion.  This must only make up part of the speech, though. 

A simple formula would be: 
20% – Expressing one’s delight at having been the parent of young Montanna.15% – Expressing one’s joy at having raised such a lovely young woman as Montanna.40% – Expressing your enormous happiness over gaining Trevor as a son-in-law.15% – Wishing the happy couple all of life’s richest blessings for the future5%   – Raising a toast
You will notice that this adds up to only 95%.  This is because 5% has been held back, in case you’d like to explain why you named your child ‘Montanna’, which, like anything else that can be found on a map of the USA, should not be used as a name, even taking the misspelling into account.

You will also notice that 0% has been allocated to talking about Montanna’s triumphs on the local eisteddfod circuit, or talking about her sparkling career as a junior mixed 10-13’s hockey all-star.  This is because it is information that will serve only to lengthen, but not enliven, your speech.

And, while we’re on the subject of wedding speeches, no cliches!  Here, I speak of such classic best man offerings as “marriage is in institution….but who wants to live in an institution?!”  Utterly hilarious, I don’t think! Old, tired, and neither humorous nor sincere.  Also, do try to avoid the appropriation of speeches that have been given in movies and on popular television shows  While Hugh Grant’s best man speech in Four Weddings and a Funeral was perfectly pitched; witty, self effacing and heartfelt, it has also passed into the annals of the common subconscious, in a not dissimilar manner to Beatles lyrics.  So, don’t do it!  Miss Fancy is all for recycling, but in this case, brand spanking new is what’s called for.
Speaking at funerals is perhaps the most difficult of all the speech-giving opportunities you may encounter. Generally, if you’ve been asked to say a few words, it’s because you were close to the person that’s passed, and so emotions are heightened, and you’re probably feeling a wee bit vulnerable, and not at your usual witty best.

A few things that will make the experience easier, and more memorable (in a good way) are as follows:
Consult with your fellow speakers.  While this may spoil the showmanship aspect for some eulogisers, the fact, it’s a necessary evil.  Miss Fancy once attended a funeral where the deceased’s four adult grandchildren each said a few words.  The same few words. The same few words as each other, and the celebrant.  All four of them had felt that they wanted to share the details of their grandfather’s life, and memories of visiting the holiday house in Chelsea (back when Frankston was still a holiday resort).  The celebrant had of course, also been asked to share the life details, including mentioning the holiday house, by the deceased’s children.  So, five rounds of ‘Grandpa was born in 1923… My favourite memory of Grandpa was sitting out the front of the house in Chelsea…’ and other such lyrical gems. Imagine, having your whole life summed up by ownership of a fibre shack. 

The key here is to practice what you have to say several times, until you can do it without getting overly emotional.  That being said, no amount of rehearsal will really prepare you for standing a few feet from a loved one in repose, and the other mourners will be well aware of this, too, so some leeway will be granted, and you are unlikely to be heckled.  But!  That bit of rehearsal will help you no end, and should mean the difference between a single tear, majestically rolling down your cheek, and floods of mascara-blackened spider trails, inching their way towards your jaw.

For one reason and another, Miss Fancy frequently finds herself attending art exhibition openings (trés chic!), which often include a few remarks by a local dignitary, renowned art historian, or perhaps the artist’s Mum.  The very particular trick to these kinds of speeches, is to avoid speaking for the artist.  If you do find yourself being invited to open the Shire of Nullumbik Rotary Art Show, then do, if you’re going to refer to specific works, take a brief moment to consult with the person who produced them.  I imagine it’s very discomfiting to be trapped behind a podium, realising that your well intentioned comments are being met by puzzled looks from the very person whom they are intended to flatter.  And  obviously, if you don’t happen to like the work, make every possible effort to keep this out of the tone and content of your remarks.  Avoid such phrases as ‘not entirely my cup of tea’, ‘although the work is highly regarded by some…’ and the classic ‘yuckitty, yuck, yuck, yuck.’

So!  Sally forth, taking up your microphone as you go, confident in the knowledge that you are now prepared to dazzle your fellow event-goers, with your newly minted speechmaking prowess!

Have a Fabulously Fancy Day!
Miss F xox

Today, here at Miss Fancy Says… we wish to farewell somebody very Fabulously Fancy indeed.

I first met Judith Cobb in 1997, when she called to offer me life modelling work at Melbourne School of Fashion.  We already had many colleagues and acquaintances in common, and, from that very first session, we hit it off.  Soon enough, we were firm friends, and those drawing classes in that funny little building in Fitzroy became a big part of my modelling schedule, but more importantly, our friendship became a treasured aspect of my life.

Judith was somebody who, in her very unassuming way, embodied what might be called natural glamour.  Her tall frame, and megawatt smile meant that everybody always noticed her. As a set and costume designer, her professional reputation was enormous, and she was also an extremely talented painter.  In her working life, she achieved many things about which she was deservedly proud, (read  more about Judith’s professional achievements herein The Age obituary) but was very modest about most of it… except for having seen Guy Pearce in his underpants.  That particular milestone was mentioned more that once!

It would be remiss of me here, to not say what a joy she was to model for – sometimes I’d be asked to come in just so that the students could draw my feet!  She believed strongly in comfort and breaks, and being able to chat while you worked.  She was also the only person I’d ever allow to write bookings into my diary without checking the dates with me beforehand.

During the course of our friendship, we shared many experiences.  Countless lunches, dinners and coffees. Myriad conversations about where to source the best feathers, flowers and sequins – finally, somebody who understood the real joy of frippery!  Her Indian themed 40th birthday was a real highlight. I’d spent many hours constructing a five-tiered ‘Taj Mahal’ cake, but every painstaking moment was worth it just for the look on her face when she saw it.  Her speech that night was simple and eloquent; she spoke of the fact that, as someone who had no blood relatives left, “my friends are my family”, and certainly, more than almost anybody I know, she had a real and impressive talent for friendship.  We were in the middle of a bank of bookings when she first started seeing her beloved Gill, and so I got   the scoop very early on, and she was one of the first people I told when I met my darling man.  

She was a bridesmaid at my wedding, and shared my excitement every step of the way.  I recall standing in the front room of her home, while she sewed the roses on my wedding dress, assuring me that they were attached firmly enough “to last sixty performances.”  On the day itself, while all about me was chaos, she came and sat beside me while I had my hair and makeup done, and kept me distracted from looking out the window, where rain was pouring mightily.  

I have memories of evenings spent at her home, with her beloved pets, Lucy and Baxter keeping us company, and warm Summer afternoons posing while she painted my portrait at House of Windsor, the studio that she shared with some of her closest friends.  I remember the day she bought her little house in Richmond, and I remember the day of her beloved Aunt Marie’s memorial service, and a simply constructed eulogy, delivered bravely, and with a heart full of love.  I have heard many eulogies in my life, and this one still stands alone for it’s rhythm and beauty.

Judith passed away on January 26th of this year, aged only 51.  To my monumental shame, I only found out about her death last Wednesday, and purely by accident.  A friend had gotten engaged, and we were talking weddings.  She asked about my dress, and I responded that my friend Judith, who had been a costumier for the MTC revamped one of my old modelling costumes.    It was then that another friend who was present said “Is that Judith Cobb?  Isn’t it tragic.”  As it turns out, this woman is a neighbour of Judith’s very dear friend Will.

So now, I am left wondering what it was that was so important that kept me busy enough that I managed to lose touch with Judith over the last few years.   I thought of her often – most days, in fact, because she gave me one of my most prized possessions, a Sacred Heart which hangs in my dining room, and so she pops into my mind almost as often as I see it – but when I stopped modelling, we drifted out of regular contact.  And suddenly, here we are.  I always thought we’d find one another again. Fondly imagined, I suppose, that I had plenty of time.  I was wrong.

I cannot say goodbye to Judith in any way that it tangible, but I can ask you to join me in raising a glass, metaphorical or otherwise, to one of the most truly Fabulously Fancy women I ever had the absolute joy and privilege know.

Goodbye, my darling friend, and thank you for a million things.

Today, we at Miss Fancy Says… help you navigate the vagaries of dressing for job interviews. So if you want to add ‘Best Dressed’ to your resume, let us offer you a few tips on what to wear to impress a prospective employer.

Even I, Miss Fancy, find it difficult to decide what to wear to job interviews. Have always loathed it, despite the fact that (during a particularly heinous stint working in a particularly heinous office with particularly heinous people) I had two purpose-made ‘interview’ dresses – one Summer, one Winter – so I could be ready to head off to offer myself to more deserving employers whenever the opportunity arose. Even with the two dresses (both just as fabulous, seven years later, even if I do say it myself) I still found myself panicking about whether my outfit was either not businesslike enough, or over-formal, or somehow just not quite right.

In general, the best gambit when choosing interview clothes, Or indeed, clothes for almost any occasion) is to slightly overdress, rather than under dress. Obviously, you should take into account the type of environment that you’ll potentially be working in, but don’t go overboard. For example, you may be applying for a creative role in a hip young advertising agency, and so want to show off your daringly avant garde style, but the time for this is after you’ve scored the job, gauged what is and isn’t appropriate and settled in. Think of the interview as the time when you scope each other out – they can decide if they want to hire you, you can decide if you’re interested, and, if so, whether or not your customary Mary Quant revival ensemble will get the respect it deserves.

Similarly, if you’re about to interview for the position of office junior in a suburban real estate office, a simple but businesslike outfit is far better than dressing like you intend to run the company, as this can be strangely off putting. Even if you’re about to attend an interview for a job in an alternative clothing design studio or boutique, think about what you would be wearing to work, and wear a fairly conservative version of it. It certainly pays in those situations to show a little of your personality, but it’s also a good idea to hold something back. 
Often, the first thing an interviewer will say is “So, tell me a little bit about yourself…”. This is a trick question, because as far as they’re concerned, you’ve probably told them a whole lot about yourself before you’ve even sat down! For worse or better, first impressions count.
About a billion and ten years ago I held a job in an insurance company, where traditional office wear was definitely de rigueur. However, there was one lone figure who stood out in a sea of shirts and ties. (Now, remember here, that this was before ‘Melrose Place’ made men think that it was acceptable to wear a shirt and tie with jean to work. Frankly, – it wasn’t then, and it isn’t now.) His name was Bede and he wore black jeans, a black sleeveless shirt, and pointy toed black suede Cuban heels to work, every day. He kept his hair in a quiff and held his jeans up with a huge silver belt buckle. Frankly, this uber cool dude from Corporate Annuities was sex on wheels; the Fonz of Mutual Fund Superannuation. Needless to say, while the older chaps gave him a pretty wide berth, the younger men always seemed to be trying to impress him, and his female colleaguesall flocked around him like geishas.

The thing about Bede was, he had turned up for his interview wearing a perfectly ordinary suit, and once he got the job, the other elements of his personality slowly crept in, until he had fully metamorphosised into the Love God of Life Insurance.. The other thing was, and he would happily tell you this himself, that the trade off for being allowed to look like the Rockabilly Rebel of Retirement Funds, was that he had to work twice as hard, and be twice as good at his job, to get half as much respect from management. Such is the sad reality of most working environments – wearing your individuality (literally) on your sleeve can make your working life that much harder. And this goes doubly so for job interviews – it really does pay to attempt to look like you know what the rules are before you start thinking about bending them! 

When thinking of adding touch of your personal style, do take advantage of the many, many makers’ markets, ‘handmade’ websites and funky little shops that seem to have sprung up everywhere recently, and find yourself a gorgeous brooch or necklace that compliments your outfit.

In terms of colour, black is almost always a safe bet, but not in Sicilian widow quantities, so do try to add in a bit of extra colour somehow. A shirt, top or scarf can break up the storm cloud, and having a bit of the right colour close to your face tends to lessen the severity of an all-black ensemble.

And remember the all-important ‘balance’ rule. This means finding a fashion compromise that will leave you looking comfortable and like yourself, while still making an appropriate impression.

If in doubt, try to find out! Don’t be afraid to stake out the building around knock-off time if you can. See what your prospective colleagues are wearing. And, Miss Fancy’s most important tip of all – if they are wearing dejected, beaten expressions, send an email politely declining the interview.

Some years ago, Miss Fancy was called upon to write a series of pieces dealing with fashion etiquette in difficult situations, such as job interviews, work Christmas parties, weddings and funerals. 
Unfortunately, we at Miss Fancy Says… have found ourselves attending more than our fair share of the latter in the last year or so, and have noticed through our tears, that some timely advice about what to wear to funeral might not go amiss.  

And so, we offer you the Miss Fancy Says… Guide to Fond Farewells.

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At some point in our lives, we’ve all found ourselves looking miserably into our wardrobes, wondering exactly what to wear to that tricky function, appointment or event. Today, we demystify the difficulties of dressing to attend funerals and memorials.
Funerals and memorials can be extremely difficult to dress for. It’s not so hard if you have an office job, because you probably have some appropriately coloured (black, navy, darker brown or grey) clothing, in reasonably understated styles, but what if you don’t?

The main difficulty with funerals is that they generally tend to crop up unexpectedly, and you often don’t have too long to think about what to wear. Then there’s the matter of what is and isn’t appropriate.

As a general rule, the following tips apply:Darker clothing is generally best, unless the family of the deceased stipulate otherwise. Though it is becoming more popular for the funeral dress code to include brighter shades (especially if the deceased is quite young) or perhaps their favourite colour, unless you’ve been told otherwise, err on the side of traditional.

Don’t be afraid to ask what is and isn’t appropriate. When an older person dies, everybody generally understands the dress code, but when younger people pass away, it can be a completely different matter. All too often, the friends of a younger person might feel that wearing brightly coloured clothing, or outfits that reflect some aspect of the deceased’s life (for example, the colours of a much loved sporting team, or pink for a victim of breast cancer), can be a great way of honouring that person’s memory. That may well be true, but ask first, or run the risk of further upsetting those close to him or her. It can be so, so tempting to believe that you know what your friend would have wanted, or gotten a kick out of, but save that for some other function in their honour. Perhaps a less formal memorial to mark an anniversary, or a wake / sharing of memories celebration that may be held at a later time.

If the service is in a church or temple, no bare shoulders.

Don’t overdress. If you didn’t know the deceased very well (say they’re the family member of a friend, or a friend of one of your friends or family members), don’t go crazy with the ‘black widow’ look. So, no hats (unless it’s to protect you from the sun at a burial), no full Victorian widow’s weeds style outfits, and definitely nothing that’s going to make you look like a distressed dominatrix.

Don’t underdress. This can be one of the greatest difficulties of funeral dressing. Thought the modern day funeral is often described as a ‘celebration of life’, it pays to remember that the family of the deceased probably don’t quite view it that way, and may be offended by the presence of jeans, T-shirts (especially those with slogans on them), and anything else that isn’t a little subdued. If your wardrobe simply doesn’t contain anything that is ‘officey’ then it is better to wear whatever lighter coloured clothing that you may have in a subdued style, than less formal, darker clothes.

Be aware of cultural stipulations. For example, some Asian cultures only wear white to funerals, and in fact, view any red clothing as an insult as it signifies celebration.
If you’re going to wear mascara, make sure it’s waterproof. Even though you may not be that close to the person who died, funerals can be quite emotional. Something may remind you of a the funeral of somebody who you were close to, or perhaps the distress of those who were close to the deceased might set you off. Either way, mascara ‘spiders’ making their way down your face will only add an unwelcome Alice Cooper-ish, gothic touch to already difficult proceedings.

Sensible shoes. I’m not talking about lace-up brogues or slip-on Hush Puppies, but I am talking about shoes that you can stand in for up to an hour or more. This is particularly important if you are not terribly close to the deceased, and the funeral is heavily attended, as you may find yourself standing at the back of the chapel throughout the service. Trust me, no matter how comfortable you generally are about taking your shoes off when the pain gets too much, it’s a very difficult thing to do at a funeral without attracting disapproving looks. Obviously, if you are to be attending an outdoor burial, wearing spike heels will ensure that the deceased isn’t the only person sinking into the ground.
If in doubt, always lean towards being cautious. It is invariably better to feel slightly overdressed than be under dressed.

And, as with so many other tricky situations, the ‘nothing too’ rule applies. That is, nothing too tight, nothing too plunging, nothing too sparkly, nothing too short, nothing too ostentatious. 

And if in doubt, just ask Miss Fancy!

An excellent question, thank you for asking.  It has been my observation that most people who are truly fabulous have had a gifted mentor; someone who has lead by example, and shared of their encyclopaedic knowledge of fanciness.

For me, that person was my Great Aunt Jean – stylish, witty, adventurous, and unwavering in her love for me.  

What follows is an excerpt from an article that I wrote for a fashion advice website several years ago. The subject (and title) was ‘What Makes a Style Icon?’ 

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What makes a style icon? Is it simply how they dress, how they carry themselves, or is it something a little more indefinable?
…..Quick roundup of my particular style pets, including Isadora Duncan, (more about her another time), Cate Blanchett, David Bowie, and Snow White.  Yes, Snow White.  When all the other Disney heroines were blonde, and the general fashion was for tanned skin – it was the 70’s, after all – Snow White was proudly raven-haired, fair skinned, and red-lipped.  She remains my personal celebrity favourite to this day, as my hair colour, fear of a sun-kissed face, and perennial lipstick choice will attest….

And then it follows on….

But what of the style icons that are closer to our hearts, the ones who we get to experience close up. The people that really shape our ideas about what it is to be stylish and fashionable. The style icons who we truly know and love.
Let me tell you about mine.

The most enduring and far reaching of all my personal style icons was somebody who was not famous, nor did she ever hope to be, but she taught me more about style and personal glamour than anybody else ever could. My great aunt, Miss Dorothy Jean Baker.

God, how I loved her.  She was my father’s spinster aunt, and she was a true lady. She never left the house without red lipstick (the old-fashioned, wax based kind – I can smell it now), and the scent of Cyclax Milk of Roses eddying around her. We used to watch the ballroom dancing on TV, because it reminded her of the innumerable wartime dance competitions that she participated in, and she would complain about the modern trend for dancers to look over their partner’s shoulders. “In my day” she’d say, “you had to look into your partners eyes, or you lost points.” She was also sorry that modern dancers no longer had their heels chalked, to ensure that they never scraped the floor. 

She had been an ultra fashionable young woman, and I used to spend hours poring over pictures of her at her 21^st birthday party, dressed as a powder puff. But then, I would also have to say that, well dressed though she was, it was far more than her clothes which made her stylish.

Jean gave me my very first chiffon scarf when I was nine, as a get well present during one of my everlasting bouts of childhood asthma. A relic from the 1920’s, she pulled it out of an old cardboard box that, to my childish nose, smelled of the mysterious adventures of her girlhood. Every Christmas she presented me with an enamel pendant and a Yardley gift pack, first Lily Of The Valley (because that was an appropriate scent for little girls), then I graduated up to Violet, and ultimately when I was about eleven, the Holy Grail of the Yardley line – Rose. And I was in heaven, because I smelled like her. She taught me the importance of matching your handbag to your shoes, and the difference between being graceful and gracious, and how one won’t do without the other.

Today is Jean’s birthday, and I miss her with a longing so fierce that it is almost unbearable. Though she passed away in 1990 (over half my lifetime ago), her legacy lives on every time I put on my red lipstick, adorn myself with floral chiffon or silk flowers, or even smell a rose.
A style icon indeed.