A few words of gratitude…

As you may all recall, we at Miss Fancy Says… received two letters recently, both of which asked hard-hitting questions.  As we’ve already tackled the complex issues of titles, marriage, biscuit baking and feminist comedy, today, we respond to a note that we received from one of our most Fabulous Fellow Fancies.  Thank you, ‘Postal of Parkville’, for your letter, which addresses a heartbreaking blight which seems to have reached near-epidemic proportions.

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Dear Miss Fancy,I am an international jetsetter, who has lived, worked and sent gifts from all over the world, and I adore Australia, my adopted homeland. I cannot help but notice, however, that there is one teensy thing missing (or two, if you count prawn cocktail flavoured Skips) from general, day-to-day, Antipodean life:  thank you notes.Is it wrong to expect, or even just hope, that if you send somebody a gift from afar (or even a-near, if you don’t happen to get to the party yourself), that you might receive some kind of grateful acknowledgement of its receipt?  Thank you in advance for your kind and considered response.

Postal of Parkville

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Dear  Postal,
Firstly, please let me say how grateful I was to receive your lovely note, and how pleased I am to be able to help you with your query.  

I absolutely see your point here, both about the expressions of gratitude, and the prawn cocktail flavoured Skips, which are Mr Fancy’s particular favourites.  Those you can find at Treats From Home, either via the internet, or at their retail shop on Collins Street in the city.  Thank you notes, however, are not quite so easy to come by.

Here at Miss Fancy Says… we are a card-carrying Old Fashioned Girl. We don’t discuss politics, religion or finance at dinner parties, and we try our hardest to not offend others. We believe that people who pride themselves on ‘speaking as they find’ can be rather tedious, unless they ‘find’ something pleasing, which seems to be all too rare amongst those folk.   

However! One thing we will always, always speak out about, is the importance of thank you notes.  Or even just saying thank you, which also seems to have gone a wee bit out of fashion.  

We may live in a world where it has somehow become permissible to openly and aggressively question your dining companions’ choice of schools for their children, and where people like to quote somebody called Richard Dawkins, who tends to have his name invoked like an invisible (and ill-mannered) extra guest.  A world where it is (and, oh, how it pains me to say this) apparently and inexplicable acceptable to ask other people what they earn.  Ugh. It really is the absolute end.

Miss Fancy may turn a blind eye to all of this, refraining from interjection, despite the sorrow heaving in her tender bosom, choosing instead, to attempt to steer the conversation back to areas which will not leave her fellow guests seething all the way home, and her hostess feeling that her special evening was spoilt.

But one point on which Miss Fancy is willing to scramble out onto a limb of contention over, is the utter importance of saying thank you – absolutely as soon as a gift lands in your hands, preferably accompanied by a few words about how wonderful the giver’s taste is, and generally, in person, then on paper.  

As my mother would say, no ifs, ands, or buts.  There will be no caveats, there will be no excuses.  An email may be permissible; a text, not really, unless it is perfectly worded, grammatically correct (no ‘CU’, ‘Thnx’,  ‘B’, ‘U’ or ‘GR8’) and more than five words long.  But even then, it really is a last resort.

‘Thank you’, is, like ‘please’, ‘may I?’, ‘my pleasure’, ‘after you’, and ‘allow me’, one of those dear little phrases that instantly makes the world a better place. In this context, it also serves as recognition that somebody has thought enough about you to go out (or get online) and purchase something that they believe you will love.  If that item has been posted, they may also be wondering whether or not it has arrived safely, and so, some reassurance on that front will also be appreciated.

Oh, and here’s a great Fancy Tip for parents of children who are too young to write notes, or make telephone calls – people generally understand that you are busy, so under these circumstances, an email ‘thank you’ for gifts sent to your child is fine, but do try to attach a photo of him or her wearing / being read/ playing with the gift, as the case may be.  Not only is this a lovely idea, but it will make your generous friends and loved ones less likely to decide not to bother in future.

To sum up, we are, in Western society, extremely lucky.  We tend to have roofs over our heads, food in our bellies, and internet access with which to read this excellent advice, and thus, much to be thankful for already.  If we are also so fortunate as to have people around us who care enough to generously spend their hard earned shekels  on delightful trinkets to commemorate our special occasions and milestones, it goes without saying, that the absolute least we can do is pop a little note in the mail.

With love and best wishes for a Fabulously Fancy day!